You're Going to Think I'm Crazy

Hey ladies!! So, I've been mega busy, but I thought I'd drop in a little post.  Like my title says, I think you guys may think I'm crazy but....I'm trying to get back together with Aaron, haha.  I know I harped about how we needed to be broken up and experience everything on our own, but it really wasn't all that great.  I mean being single was fun, it was a good three months, but I was never really happy, Kayla can vouch for that, haha.  I felt like I was constantly lonely even though I was with friends and it was not a good feeling at all :/ also, Aaron has been doing everything in his power to make himself what I want.  He got a whole new waredrobe(he looks amazing), he's been making tons of friends and doing his own thing(hallelujah!).  I think three months is a short time to be apart, but a lot has actually happend.  I refuse to let our relationship be cut and dry of what it was last time, so hopefully we'll be able to be a functional couple in society like a normal college couple, not stuck up each other's ass, lol

Ooooo, another fun thing is that in March I'm going to be headed to Atlanta, Georgia for a conference :D It's called SETC which is the Southeastern Theatre Conference.  It's a place where people from all over come and have interviews with real companies to hopefully get a job for the summer or year round.  I don't have much experience stage managing or even finding a job in theatre so my director for Rocky said that it was a must for me to go because I need to start getting into the swing of finding work asap, since that's basically my life calling, haha.  I'm really pumped about going and really nervous too! I mean I doubt I'll get work this time around because I have no experience compared to everyone going, but if I could get a job at the this conference sometime that means I could go anywhere in the southeast for work, fingers crossed for Myrtle Beach! Haha

Woo! Slight Free Time!!

Hey everyone!! :D I'm so sorry I've been living under a rock for the past two months, it really hasn't been my intention, everything just keeps coming in undeniable waves, haha.  Well, for starters, even though I am single Aaron keeps popping in and it's kinda getting on my nerves.  He's either sweet, angry or upset and I think I finally may have cut him off, haha.  I told him flat out that we needed to stop talking because it was just keeping us in a depressing limbo and we need time apart to just sort ourselves out..alone.  He finally got the gist(amen!) So, I'm trying out the real single scene after two months and it kinda sucks, lol.  For some reason I thought boys and just people in general would pop up left and right and I wouldn't have time to think about Aaron because I'd be busy chatting and making friends with everyone.  Weeell, that hasn't really been the case. I'm starting to slowly make friends but it just isn't going very fast and it's driving me up a wall @.@

But on a positive note The Rocky Horror Show is going amazingly :D! The actors, costumes and set are coming along beautifully <3 I'm so proud and happy to be apart of this show and it is sooo going to be worth seeing, no joke. 

Also, by being single I've realized I'm not much of a hot stud flirter, haha.  There is a majorly cute guy in the theatre dept. that is also my lab partner in astronomy(I alsmot died, not gonna lie, lol) and I suck at talking to him.  I just choke up and can't think of anything meaningful or interesting to say.  So, I feel like finding ways to get him to notice me is helping me get over Aaron because it's keeping me preoccupied, haha. 

The freetime I've gained for being single has been enlightening too.  I love only having to plan according to my schedule and what I want to do :D I've partied like a crazy person for the past two weeks and got sick because of it on Monday.  It was a nasty cold that has been going around Rocky and I'm finally getting over it, just a lot of drainage coughs.  So, hurray for getting better!!

That's really all that has been going on, haha, not too much, maybe even a little boy crazy but what can you do.  I get lonely somedays that's for sure and other days I'm full of inspiration to get somewhere, it varies a lot.  Hopefully all this time to myself will help me figure out something about myself since that was the original goal of the break up.  I feel like taking philosophy class this semester couldn't ahve been better timing either because it may just be an intro class, but I'm totally blown away by some of the articles I've had to read.  I love them and generally understand them, but they definetly spark you to look at things in a different light and it's a fantastic experience. 

The extra time has also forced me to branch out in ways to entertain myself.  I have therefore fallen on the websites of someoneoncetoldme.com and modcloth.com.  Both of them I totally recomment anyone checking out! Someoneoncetoldme.com is a website about a guy who goes around and has people right down a saying that was said to them once and then take a picture of them holding the quote, they're amazing and I'm actually going to try and do my own this weekend :D Next time all of us hang out we should try and do this, it'd be a really fun experience.  And modcloth.com is a website with clothing that I would push multiple people down stairs to have, haha.  So give them a look they'll surely keep you busy for a few hours <3

Mmmmmmm Friday!

Hurray!! TGIF! Today has gone pretty darn smooth :D The only trouble was that I could not for the life of me decide what to wear today, haha.  Even though I've decided my Intro to Theatre Design is the most boring class in the world x_x all the teacher does is ramble and it's a whole lot of blah to take in at 9 in the morning.  Then, I won't even be having my philosophy until Monday next week because my teacher is at some conference in Beijing, go figure, lol.  Then there's my Mathmatics for Liberal Arts class....booo! It just makes my brain pop from all the random connections made with numbers.  Also, French is a trip too because it may be french 3 but that does not mean I can listen to fluent french and keep up without a hitch, hahaha, on the contrary, I'm fighting just to understand the sentence my teacher said two minutes ago I'm nowhere near getting to where she is now, haha. 

But on a lighter note, the Rocky Horror cast has been posted and an absolutely gorgeous(straight) guy has been cast as Rocky!  His name is Drew and I've really started to chat with him over the past few days.  His audition obviously went well and he did awesome at callbacks.  Ooooh man, speaking of callbacks they were hilarious! All of the people called back had to dress in understyle clothing, haha.  So, the boys wore speedos or some baggy shorts and girls had spandex shorts and cute bras.  They were a hoot to look at.  But this ties into why Drew is so absolutely gorgeous and I'm not saying this in a creepy way, it's just true.  See, he came into auditions totally shirtless, had on dress-like shoes and tall socks and then he had on this speedo thing that had BRAZIL written on the butt and was bright yellow and green, haha, it was fantastic! His outfit totally showed off how tan, toned and flawless he is.  The huge plus about it though, was that speedo showed off a package from god, hahahahaha.  I mean you would look at him, but your eyes would just dart down because it was just...there.  He even brought a little lamb toy he was thinking of using to stuff with, but hunny, he definetly didn't need it, hahaha. 

So, today we got the cast lists up and I got to watch people get overjoyed or upset over them(I'm so glad I'm not apart of that).  I am really happy for everyone who got a part because a lot of people never had gotten a lead before <3 But I saw Drew and his friend Zack(who is also pretty darn cute) and ran up and hugged them both and congratulated them.  We then chatted and Drew brought up the fact about the little lamb he had brought last night.  He said that he really hadn't seen other guys junk before so he personally thought he was small.  So, when people asked him if he was stuffing last night he thought that they were making fun of him! Haha, I just can't stop giggling about that.  I then proceeded to tell him that if he had used that poor lamb that he would have sincerely scared some people, at least from a woman's prespective(sly little compliment, huh? lol). 

That was pretty much the funniest part of my day today so I just wanted to share :D hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll be sure to update again soon!

Off to a Bumpy Start

Hey guys!! I know it's been a few days since I posted but everything has been so hectic I don't know where to start, haha. 

Well, moving in on Saturday was as easy as can be.  It actually took a lot less time and I'm all reorganized and set up :D I'll have to take pics of the dorm(along with my clothes) so show where I'll be living.  The only trouble is that the dorm is pretty bland right now because we don't have any fun posters or anything to put on the wall, but we've decided to make it a movie poster theme so that's what we're gonna do.

Sunday was not as smooth as it could have been.  I was getting ready to start my lovely time of the month and all the clothes I tried on to wear for the first day of school made me think of Aaron and it made me really insecure to feel like I was going into this year of college without the kind of support I had from him. So Kayla said we'd go to Target that night and see if we could find something.  But, we had to go to a meeting for our dorm to chat about rules with the RAs then after Kayla and I were supposed to go to Target.  The only trouble is that this guy that totally screwed her over is getting back into her life and called saying that he was already on his way down to come visit her, but they had made no plans to hang out. So, Kayla got excited and I got upset(my horomones gave me a kick).  She asked me if I wanted her to call him to tell him to turn around and I said yes.  But whenever she tried to call him, he wouldn't answer(I think it was onpurpose because he knew what she was gonna say) so she said there wasn't much she could do.  With that, I cried a little and went to my friend Brady, who then went with me to Target while the guy I absolutely abhor hung out in my dorm room.  Still, I got a really cute pleated skirt, I'll have to put that up too, haha.

Well, once Monday rolled around things didn't get any better.  I ended up looking pretty darn cute and classes went by quickly and so did work, my head was just muddled from the crying I'd done and aaaaall that information you've got to take in on the first day.  So, after all that I had to go to the theatre meet-and-greet which happens at the beginning of every school year.  It was fantastic and I got to see all my friends from the department and even meet some new ones.  The stage manager meeting was really successful too and this year is going to be aaaaaamazing theatre-wise.  Then after the meeting the school was showing a movie out on one of the lawns so a few of us went down there to chill for awhile.  It was me, Rex, a cute guy named Derek, and two freshman named Jeremy and.....Hannah?  Anyway, Hannah was incredibly annoying and whenever I tried to chat with Derek she would fly in and ruin it.  So, I feel like Derek then put me in a group with her and wouldn't talk to me much and actually ran off to chat with another girl.  When that happend I was officially ready to go to my dorm, but as I went to leave I got a text from Kayla saying, "oh hey, so matt(evil prick boy) came to my work(he lives thirty minutes away) and asked if I want to hang out do you mind if we go to the dorm?(he's doing it on purpose so that she can't say no)." I got pissed and texted back," I've started my period(truth) and I am in a lot of pain and you know I don't like him(even bigger truth)."  Then somehow we got back translation over the next few texts and she ends up texting," if you want you can go over to Kerry's tonight and stay." I was seriously like what the hell? So, I texted back," is he staying the night now?" Then, all I get back is," :)"  I was about to punt my phone.  She then went on to say," you and Aaron got the dorm on the weekends all the time last year and I never mentioned it or asked for anything and this is the first time I'm asking." She guilt tripped me! So, I felt bad wanting to say, hell the fuck no, because I had overrun the dorm sometimes on the weekend.  Ultimately, I gave in and said, "fine, I'll find somewhere to stay, but I've lost all respect for you(we've talked but the loss is still kinda there in ways)." 
Anyway, after a half hour of trying to find a place to stay, my friend Brady stepped up again(he's a saint) and said it was no problem.  Relieved I went back to the dorm and warned Kayla that I was getting my stuff.  So, while I packing up the two of them came into the dorm(of course). Brady was with me and I got all my stuff together but in the pit of my stomach I could feel the most seering feeling of hate and destruction in my gut.  I have put up this kid's shit for ten months and Kayla can forgive him for how badly he's treated her over that period, but I can't.  So, when I walked out to the other room I looked at them and said," you guys can do this fucking shit, but at least Aaaron and I could save it for the weekend!" I then slammed the door shut, realized I left my purse, sparta kicked the door and yelled I needed my purse, I got it, I slammed the door even harder and absolutely broke down as I walked across the woodcrest(my dorm area) circle.  The entire time I screamed," he's a piece of shit, why does she even speak to him, he's an absolute piece of trash!!" I yelled and totally broke down and I know he heard it because he was by the window and it was open(:D). I then proceeded to cry for another two hours because I was mean and becasue he was in my dorm and because I was trying to be a good friend and give Kayla what she let me have last year.  An RA even came to see if I was ok because I made a pretty big scene, when I went across the circle all people could do was stare, haha.  So, Brady and my friend, Kerry, who came over when she heard I was having a melt down helped me get calmed down and I got supplies together and spent my first official night in college in a sleeping bag with a skinny body pillow for cushion.

Hello Tuesday! I woke up at 7:30 feeling like my body was ripping itself to shreds, I was cold and incredibly tired.  I was in too much pain to fall back asleep so I went in and out of half sleep, finally Brady got up and got ready and I finally sat up once he was close to done(he's gay so it's all good) and we chatted some more.  So, he left for class and I took his bed hostage and slept for another hour, but woke up again feeling sick so I watched three episodes of Spongebob then got ready for class.  But, of course, I had to get some things I had forgotten in my room so I texted Kayla," I left some stuff in the room I need so he needs to be gone by 10:30." When I told her I was about to leave she said they were already heading for his car.  I got to my dorm and did what I needed, then Kayla returned with her friend Michelle and we were polite, but that was it.  Theeeeeeen, I missed my first class of astronomy.  I was ready to leave early so I went early, but apparently that was too early.   I waited until five minutes before class and there was no one and the doors were locked.  So, I went to the student union and checked my email to see if class was cancelled.  Nothing.  I went back again and the doors were still locked(I was now on the verge of tears).  I, then, went down to the physics office and the nice lady called my teacher and he said the door was proped open(lies!!!) but he just said that the stuff I needed was online and that was it.  After that I went to the bathroom and broke down...again.  This time I crumbled and called my mom who then came and picked me up and we went out to lunch to Chipotle.  I didn't want to Kayla out on having a guy over and especially not me having Aaron over so much last year, but it all spilled out without a thought and my mom was totally cool...well besides the fact I kind of booted myself from my dorm because of a needle dick(it's true, Kayla said so, and he has no staying power, tee hee).  So, her and I chatted and we worked out everything and I felt a bazillion times better, I love mommies :) then her and I went and got this awful book switch up thing that also helped to my break down previously.  She dropped me off at the dorm and soon after Kayla was over.  I wasn't mad anymore and neither was she so we hugged and talked it out.  I said that he can't be there while I'm on campus or if it sounds like I have any plans on coming to the dorm and she understood and then said that the night before the two of them did nothing.  They watched a movie(hopeful Matt was paranoid and watching the window to see if I was coming with a knife) and the two just fell asleep.  And I believe her whole-heartedly when she stays she just strictly wants to be friends with him.  Because she got screwed over once and that was not going to happen again(why she still speaks to him at all though is beyond me).  The only trouble is I don't believe Matt for anything and she says she does not trust him.  I then made a few jokes about how he shouldn't be on this earth and everything was better. 
After all these ordeals and everything I had to go work auditions for the theatre department with the other stage managers.  I got there at 4:30 and didn't get out until 12:15, it was the best part of my day though because I just love the theatre dept. 

Yesterday! Everything went really really well :D it all went smooth and I relaxed and I got stuff done and I got a grande ice mocha with no whipped cream from starbucks because I was about to fall asleep and face plant the concrete haha.  I did get grouchy though because Aaron had texted me last night asking what happend last night between Kayla and I, but I couldn't answer because I was in rehearsal, so I texted him yesterday asking if everything was cool.  So, I told him my side of the story and then he texted me "yeah it just sucks that I heard it from kayla, not you" and I was like, seriously? We're not dating anymore you don't need a play by play of my life, end of story.  I was planning on telling him what went down but I am going to do that at my own pace, plain and simple. So, I called him out for trying to make me feel guilty for not running to him like a wimpy girl because shit happend.  We broke up so I could learn how to handle shit on my own.  After I called him out he backed down and cooled off and we chatted about pokemon, but then it turned into short, awkward answers and honestly I was happy to be able to leave for callbacks for Rocky.  The callbacks were absolutely fantastic too! Everyone did great and I'm seriously spazzing over how great it's going to be :D

Sooooooooooooooooooo, that's what has happend in the past five days, a lot of bad, but some good is finally starting to come from it, hurray! <3

Phew~!

Ok, so I have realized that pandora.com is the most amazing site in the world.  It has kept me busy throughout the past week and a half since the radio is depressing and my ipod is just a death sentence right now from the break up, haha.  But it's absolutely fantastic, I already have three stations set up and I love them! It's great because it plays music of the artist you put in and music like their's so it really allows you to expand your music without having to dig through every artist that may sound interesting.  I totally recommend anyone try it out because besides the little commercials that pop up from time to time it's totally awesome.

Also, I ordered new clothes from delias and alloy! I got my delias order of two pairs of shoes yesterday and I'll have to post them soon because I absolutely adore them and thankfully both sizes are perfect! So, I'm excited to get back to school and get mega busy with my adorable new wardrobe.  Since rehearsals for Rocky Horror Picture Show will probably start early next month and work and school ontop of that all my free time is going to be eaten alive haha. But you all better plan to make a special trip home to see Rocky because from what I know so far it's going to be a total crazy trip of awesome!!

Why Are Boys So Confusing?

Ok, so as we all know I've recently broken up with my boyfriend.  It was mutual and it hasn't even been a full week.  But now he's running back to me and saying he wants to get back together.  Honestly, I don't know if I can or want to right now.  Breaking up completely tore my heart into shreds and I haven't even begun to pick up the pieces and he's back wanting me.  I don't know, it may even sound selfish, but I want to get myself figured out before I'm able to take him back.  My heart is in a lot of pain and I know if I got back together with him right now I would be in a constant state of anxiety and panic.  I'd be worrying about if we'd stay together this time, if I want to stay together all through college, or if I have the strength to handle something like an on-and-off relationship. 
I think I just need to seperate myself and enjoy being single.  When I was in our relationship, he did not make that many friends, so I was always the one hanging out with him and that meant I couldn't really hang out with the other friends I'd made.  I was always worrying if he was happy or if he was being entertained and I feel like I want a chance to enjoy treating myself that way.  I want to be able to talk to boys and not worry that my boyfriend will raise his eyebrow, I want to be able to go out on Saturday nights and not worry if he's just sitting in his dorm being mopey and bored.  I want this to be my year to enjoy myself.
I also want him to have fun too.  He needs to make friends and not have me be his constant crutch.  He needs to get out there and do things for himself socially because he is an amazing person and people need to be able to experience that.  I know I loved every second.  So, I feel like this is good for us we're both just scared to step out off that safety bubble we created.  I guess I'm just more willing to do so then he is.  But right now school has yet to start making us busy which leaves us staring and moping because there is nothing to preoccupy our time.
I am determined to keep my fingers crossed that once college starts it will all get better. Him and I can become better, stronger people and hopefully come back together in the future and be able to have a serious and stable relationship.  I mean, right now we're only 18 and 19 years old, there's no need to settle down just yet.

Well, uh, hi there everyone!! Hope your week has been going well mine has been super mega fast, which is fantastic.  I'm an operator at my college so needless to say I have a lot of free time and the free time can sometimes take fooooooooooorever to go by, haha. 
This week has been a little hard too because I just recently broke up with my boyfriend this past Saturday.  It was a mutual seperation at least.  We were together for a year and three months.  We had a lot of fun together and I still consider us really close friends.  But we broke up because we started to fight more and more and the two of us just need time apart to find ourselves and experience college when we only have to worry about ourselves which I think is good.  I love this guy to absolute death and I pray to whatever ethereal thing is up in the sky that we come back together, I've got my fingers crossed too, haha.
So, this blog will be about me being a single woman living a very hectic and busy life dealing with friends, school, work and theatre, hope you enjoy the ride! :D