Ok, so as we all know I've recently broken up with my boyfriend. It was mutual and it hasn't even been a full week. But now he's running back to me and saying he wants to get back together. Honestly, I don't know if I can or want to right now. Breaking up completely tore my heart into shreds and I haven't even begun to pick up the pieces and he's back wanting me. I don't know, it may even sound selfish, but I want to get myself figured out before I'm able to take him back. My heart is in a lot of pain and I know if I got back together with him right now I would be in a constant state of anxiety and panic. I'd be worrying about if we'd stay together this time, if I want to stay together all through college, or if I have the strength to handle something like an on-and-off relationship.
I think I just need to seperate myself and enjoy being single. When I was in our relationship, he did not make that many friends, so I was always the one hanging out with him and that meant I couldn't really hang out with the other friends I'd made. I was always worrying if he was happy or if he was being entertained and I feel like I want a chance to enjoy treating myself that way. I want to be able to talk to boys and not worry that my boyfriend will raise his eyebrow, I want to be able to go out on Saturday nights and not worry if he's just sitting in his dorm being mopey and bored. I want this to be my year to enjoy myself.
I also want him to have fun too. He needs to make friends and not have me be his constant crutch. He needs to get out there and do things for himself socially because he is an amazing person and people need to be able to experience that. I know I loved every second. So, I feel like this is good for us we're both just scared to step out off that safety bubble we created. I guess I'm just more willing to do so then he is. But right now school has yet to start making us busy which leaves us staring and moping because there is nothing to preoccupy our time.
I am determined to keep my fingers crossed that once college starts it will all get better. Him and I can become better, stronger people and hopefully come back together in the future and be able to have a serious and stable relationship. I mean, right now we're only 18 and 19 years old, there's no need to settle down just yet.
You go Blondie! I think you are strong and mature enough to put yourself first and I think that is great. I agree that we all are still trying to find ourselves and I can relate. I think that you are helping him more than he knows because by you letting go, he has room to grow and open up to more people.
ReplyDeleteThat really doesn't sound selfish at all.
ReplyDeleteand I love your background :)
Hm, that's strange! I guess he figured out what he let go.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I agree with your approach. Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend, but other times I like just having myself and my friends. I want to settle down and get married one day, but until then I want to just worry about myself and have fun in college!
So live it up and be single! <3